Put On Your Tights, It’s Time For The Fights!

Here we are again, friends! WRESTLEMANIA WEEKEND!

For those not in the know, Wrestlemania is the pro-wrestling version of the Superbowl, The Oscars, Election Night and San Diego Comic-Con all wrapped up in a 6-hour (including pre-show), massive spectacluar!

As we do every year at this time, FRED, WILL, COSTELLO and I sat down to hash out our predictions for this year’s event and speculate where we go from here. You can follow along as we watch and live tweet on Sunday, starting at 5pm EST!

And now, our predictions for WRESTLEMANIA 32:

• André the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
  20-man Battle Royal for the André the Giant Memorial Trophy

FRED:
Cesaro surprises everyone as an entrant, and wins for the 2nd time, en route to a mega push throughout the year. Why else would they suddenly change the Royale onto the main show instead of pre-show? Someone big has to star.

WILL:
Tricky because we don’t know all the participants, but I see it being between Big Show and one other person. I’m hoping Big Cass and that will be the torch passing from giant to giant.

COSTELLO:
Prediction: Three un-eliminated Social Outcasts are precariously on the ring apron, and only Kane and Bo Dallas are in the ring. Kane tosses Bo at the other Outcasts, eliminating all four for the win.
Why: Every Royal Rumble, one of the stories is how many eliminations Kane gets, but he’s never won one. This feels like a chance for WWE to solidify Kane as one of the greats at throwing people out of the ring before getting thrown out himself, and only having to reward him with a name on a trophy instead of a Wrestlemania main event.

MOSS:
I love battle royals! I’m thinking that around the end of the match, the trophy starts to move and it’s revealed that it’s been Cesaro painted gold all this time atop the trophy. Tyson Kidd makes a surprise return and reclaims Gold-saro as his tag team partner.

• The Usos (Jimmy and Jey) vs. The Dudley Boyz
  Tag team match

FRED:
We’ll see a table or two, I’m sure. Chalk this one up to an I-don’t-care-about match… but I guess I need to pick someone to win. I’ll take the Usos

WILL:
Ugh, who cares. It’ll probably be the Usos, but tables will be involved.

COSTELLO:
Prediction: The Dudleys pull something underhanded (probably involving Jey Uso and a table the Usos set up) to set up a 3D on Jimmy, pinning the Usos.
Why: The Dudleys are Triple H’s henchteam right now, his new New Age Outlaws, and are starting to freshen up their act (or at least introducing WWE audiences to Bubba’s TNA persona). The Usos are the guys that try to keep Roman Reigns from going too far in backstage brawls. A Dudley win makes way more sense for both this match and to set the tone for Triple H vs Roman Reigns.

MOSS:
Fake-Reigns #1 & #2 take this because of interference from… ah, jeez, I don’t know… Alex Riley’s rage? Sure, why not.

• Team TOTAL DIVAS (Paige, Brie Bella, Natalya, Alicia Fox, Eva Marie) vs.
  Team BAD & BLONDE (Naomi, Tamina, Lana, Emma, Summer Rae)
  10-Diva Tag Match

FRED:
Lana stands tall… I mean really, her first match, and you think she will lose?

WILL:
A severe case of stomach flu takes out everyone except Paige and Emma, and then we watch a sensible match. The team names are dumb, and most of these women can’t wrestle. I would love to be proven wrong here, but I don’t think I will be. If I had to pick one, I’d say Total Divas

COSTELLO:
Prediction: Every Diva gets about 1 minute in the ring, ending with Brie Bella and Lana. Brie makes Lana tap to the Yes Lock, followed by celebrating, Daniel Bryan style.
Why: This is the most pre-Divas Revolution match WWE has booked in a while. It has a billion competitors, the team alignments don’t make sense, personalities matter more than wrestling ability (although Eva Marie is probably pretty stocked that, thanks to Lana, she isn’t the worst wrestler in the match), and will probably get 5 minutes. It’s the third match on a pre-show, which traditionally only have one match, and one of the other matches is a battle royal. How are they supposed to give this match any time and still play all the video packages they’re going to replay during the show?

MOSS:
I win as I use this match as a chance to refill my nachos. Remember when Paige was the greatest thing since sliced bread? Woof.

• AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho
  #1 Cool Dad Match

FRED:
I’m really curious to see the high flying acrobatic spots/risks both ways. Gotta go with the newbie (Styles) on this one.

WILL:
AJ Styles for his first WM win. I think it’ll be a good match even though we’ve seen it 4 times already

COSTELLO:
Prediction: Jericho
Why: Actually, I’m torn. Jericho won their last PPV match, so it stands to reason that AJ will take this one. But Jericho’s been killing it since breaking up Y2AJ, and WWE loves putting ‘their boys’ over outsiders. I’m not sure which way this match will go, but I’ll be happy either way. I think it will be one of the better matches on the show.

MOSS:
A-J-STY-LES (clap clap clap-clap-clap!) These guys will tear it up as only two 40+ year olds can and we’ll all be better for it.

• Kalisto (c) vs. THE Ryback
  Singles match for the WWE United States Championship

FRED:
So suddenly Ryback is a bully again? Why the sudden change? Oh wait, WWE cast amnesia on all of us, and we weren’t supposed to remember that. Heel Ryback for the win.

WILL:
The Ryback is going to murder Kalisto and take the belt. It’s a size thing and the way his new attitude is being pushed it feels like bad times for the wee luchador.

COSTELLO:
Prediction: Kalisto
Why: I’m also uncertain about this match, and that’s the only similarity it has to AJ/Jericho. I think Kalisto is amazing and I’m glad he’s getting some singles attention, but it feels like WWE stopped caring about the US title the second Kalisto won it. Ryback is getting another chance to prove himself, but… why? His promos have been rambling messes, it’s not clear if THE Ryback is face or heel, and I’m not confident he won’t accidentally kill Kalisto. Lucky for the champ, he’s just a Sin Cara voodoo doll.

MOSS:
The Ryback wins The US Title at The Wrestlemania from The Kalisto. They really want to make The Ryback a big monster heel (which they totally should), it’s just a shame it’s at the expense of Kalisto.

• Kevin Owens (c) vs. Sami Zayn vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder vs. Sin Cara vs. The Miz vs. Stardust
  Ladder match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship

FRED:
I was really hoping for another Stehphen Amell – Stardust singles match… My first pick is Sami Zayn, but I wouldn’t be all that surprised to see Zack Ryder pull it out as a way of rewarding him for hard work.

WILL:
This one’s tricky. I’m seeing The Miz or Dolph winning it, but only because Sami and Kevin are just targeting each other none stop. One of them will go for it (Kevin) and the other (Sami) will do something ridiculous and sacrificial to stop them, and Dolph or Miz will take it.

COSTELLO:
Prediction: After a gauntlet of insanity, including every competitor’s finisher, Dolph falling head first off three ladders stacked vertically, Stardust being the most effective with seemingly the least effort, and Sin Cara attempting a leap frog and just exploding, we end up with the six surviving competitors strewn about the ring. Somehow Zack Ryder is the first to recover and makes his way up the ladder, but Miz cheap shots him and starts his ascent. He’s poking the dangling belt, about to take another step, when seemingly unconscious Sami Zayn leads to his feet and jumps from the floor to the apron, apron to the top rope, leaps through the air and lands a tornado DDT on Miz, getting the biggest reaction of all time. As he soaks in the applause for two seconds, Kevin Owens power bombs him and rushes up the ladder to retain the title.
Why: There are exactly two people in this match that deserve that belt, and they’re both from Montreal. Everyone else is either good or Sin Cara, but Owens and Zayn are the future. In traditional Owens/Zayn fashion, Owens has to steal Zayn’s glory and rip out each and every one of our hearts in the process.

MOSS:
Like Batman & The Joker, Superman & Lex Luthor and Zach Snyder and The Internet, Zayn & Owens are destined to do this forever. I see them being so caught up in beating each other to death that they cost themselves the match and it begins a year-long blood feud with stops at all the major PPV’s that culminates at next year’s Wrestlmania (possible for the World Heavyweight Title). Who wins this match? I dunno, Zack Ryder? Sure.

• Charlotte (c) (with Ric Flair) vs. Becky Lynch vs. Sasha Banks
  Triple Threat match for the WWE Divas Championship

FRED:
Sasha can put this one in the Bank.

WILL:
This is the most exciting match of the night for me! As much as I’d love to see Becky win it, I think Sasha is going to make Charlotte tap out.

COSTELLO:
Prediction: Sasha Banks has Becky Lynch in the Banks Statement. Ric Flair distracts the referee, allowing Charlotte to sneak in with the belt. In one fluid motion, Sasha drops the hold, ducks Charlotte’s attack, hits the champ with the double knee backbreaker into the Back Statement. Charlotte is forced to tap out on the Diva’s title she’s literally giving up.
Why: Since the Divas Revolution started, WWE’s played Sasha Banks close to the vest, even hiding her in that vest’s inside pocket leading up to the Rumble. Since then, everything has been gradually building to this match and Sasha’s first Wrestlemania moment.

MOSS:
In a surprise twist, Becky the Workhorse wins the newly re-christened WOMEN’s Title and spends the next few months defending it against the Paiges, Emmas and Natalya’s of the world while Charlotte and Sasha rip it up for the next three months in a red-hot ’you cost me the title’ feud.

• The New Day (Big E, Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods) vs. The League of Nations (Sheamus, Alberto Del Rio, Rusev and King Barrett)
  4-on-3 Handicap match

FRED:
Is it for the belts? Off and on. On, off. The New Day win to complete the Face turn, with some help from an outsider.

WILL:
Big E is going to do something ridiculous and take it for New Day.

COSTELLO:
Prediction: New Day beats the damn numbers game and defeats the League of Nations, followed by a celebration worthy of how hot the New Day was a few months ago.
Why: First of all, how am I not excited about this match? Sheamus usually delivers in a big way, Rusev always delivers in a big way, King Barrett is a treat when he can hide the soul-crushing reality of his situation behind a smile, and Alberto Del Rio will probably only be in 1/4 of the match. But I’m feeling New Day fatigue, and this isn’t the match that’ll reinvigorate it, and I hate that being booked on the outnumbered side of a handicap match increases your odds of winning by nearly 90%. WWE’s done a good job making the number 30 spot in the Royal Rumble better than the number 1 spot, I’d like them to give that same dose of logic to handicap matches. Just not with this match. Fatigued or not, if the wrestling calendar goes from one Wrestlemania to the next, The New Day’s had a better year than anyone and deserve the win here.

MOSS:
I honestly don’t care who wins this unless they do something crazy like create a WWE Trios championship. I do like Fred’s idea of an outsider joining though. Perhaps a new member for The New Day in the form of Sexual Chocolate, Mark Henry?

• Shane McMahon vs. The Undertaker
  Hell in a Cell match; if Shane wins, he will get control of Raw.
  If Undertaker loses, he will no longer compete at WrestleMania

FRED:
Shane loses, but some loophole will magically appear and Shane will gain control… of something. I expect some tampering, though, and a high risk spot to steal the show.
Did you really think this would be “Taker’s last Wrestlemania?

WILL:
This is an AUDIENCE LOSES match. We either have the Undertaker defeated for a second time at WM and Shane is put on par with Brock Lesnar, or we have Shane lose and it’s all for nothing… The only thing I can think of is that Shane Loses and takes Smackdown and we get a brand splitting.

COSTELLO:
Prediction: Shane
Why: The less sure I am in my prediction, the shorter my prediction gets. I’m not sure which way this match will go, and again unlike the AJ/Jericho match, it’s not because the situation is win/win. The stipulation that Taker has to win to ever compete at Wrestlemania again is annoying, because 1, that kind of stipulation never takes, 2, there’s a good chance he won’t ever compete at Wrestlemania because of his age, and it’s masturbatory for a McMahon to hammer the last nail in the coffin of Taker’s career, 3, not competing at Wrestlemania is a weirdly specific version of a retirement match, and would mean more if TakerMania had the same mystique as pre-21-1 Taker, and 4, Shane’s stipulation is the solution to Taker’s. It’s like if the stipulation was that if Taker loses, he gets cancer, and if Shane wins, he gets the cure to all diseases. That said, I’m betting I will enjoy everything leading up to the finish. Shane’s as good a ring psychologist as Vince, as is Undertaker. Taker’s getting up there, but he’s still a huge dude and having a small opponent means more of his arsenal is open to him. Shane’s also getting up there, but this being Hell in a Cell, expectations like “how high will Shane jump from this time?” are curbed without feeling like he’s shackled. I’m a Shane-O-Mac fan from way back, and so no amount of stipulations I disagree with will ruin my enthusiasm for this match, I just feel like I’ll be into it until the results.

MOSS:
Shane is going to die. Either at the hands of The Undertaker or because he jumped off something stupidly high. Truthfully, I feel like there is still a swerve coming in this match that won’t happen until the night of.

• Dean Ambrose vs. Brock Lesnar (with Paul Heyman)
  No Holds Barred Street Fight

FRED:
The match never ends…during Wrestlemania. If it does end and there is a winner, The Wyatts will interfere, and that’s the only reason Dean wins this match.

WILL:
I want Dean to Rocky this so badly. He’s either going to get knocked out or do something insane to take down Brock Lesnar.

COSTELLO:
Prediction: Dean uses every weapon in his adorable cart on Brock, and the Beast Incarnate shrugs it off. So instead, Dean uses either a. a Voltron of all of the hardcore weapons of legend at the same time to down Brock, or b. Heyman is his real secret weapon, turning on Brock and revealing Dean to be a Heyman guy.
Why: Maybe I’m being optimistic by predicting two scenarios where Dean beats Brock, but I can’t bring myself to predict against Dean. From the Rumble to Wrestlemania, he’s stolen every big match he’s been in and lost. Him losing at Roadblock made me 2/3s less interested in Wrestlemania. I was as disappointed by that result as I was that The Rock didn’t show up at Roadblock as Roadblock. On top of wanting Dean to win, the guy needs the win. He needs it more than Lesnar, whose part-time schedule means he can disappear for a few months after a loss and come back with his rep intact.
The advantage of Dean turning heel is that he can stay in the main event scene and have more matches with Roman but with a new context.

MOSS:
I can’t even conceive of how this match is going to go. Dean Ambrose, Master of Hiding, can’t beat a TV monitor, so in spite of his great last couple of months, I can’t see him beating Brock. What I can see is him being beaten to death, by Brock. Costello’s idea of a Paul Heyman betrayal would be the best outcome, but who knows.

• Triple H (c) vs. Roman Reigns
  Singles match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship

FRED:
The previous match that didn’t end officially… Dean and Brock make their way back to the ring practically killing themselves along the way. Ref bump for sure. Ambrose causes Reigns the match by accident. The Wyatts finally appear to take out Lesnar. The Rock screws Reigns. Any of these have to happen to make the finale as entertaining as possible, because a clean win for Reigns with no distractions of any sort, will surely send the fans home ticked that Roman Reigns is being rammed down their throats.

WILL:
I feel like Roman will take this, but assuming no swerve, I want Triple H to retain and have something happen at Summer Slam. Yep, I’ll wait that long. If Shane wins and HHH retains, he can make him a fighting champion as a punishment and while the dude is old it could be fun.

COSTELLO:
Prediction: Either Roman Reigns wins amidst torrent of boos that no one but Roman’s sad eyes acknowledge, or he hands Triple H his most one sided defeat, beating him spectacularly for 30 solid minutes through boos and chants about who sucks what and how. After the match, Triple H offers Roman his hand. They shake and then hug. Somehow this act of sportsmanship makes both men the most hated wrestlers in the history of the WWE.
Why: Can Roman both win the title and avoid turning heel in this match? It’s not that Roman can’t win the fans over; going into Survivor Series he was arguably at his most popular since the Shield, where he won his first world title. But the fans can’t wait to boo him. He’s in the fan’s dog house because Dean Ambrose didn’t win a match Roman wasn’t directly involved in. Is it how demanding his character is? Does his shrug just rub people the wrong way? Is he just the foregone conclusion that wrestling fans like to resist?

MOSS:
It’s honestly shocking how little I care about a WWE Title Match. Though, I do feel this is win-win for us as an audience. A slowly-turning Heel Reigns as champ is intriguing, especially with the expected influx of new talent after Wrestlemania. Lots of fresh match-ups are possible. BUT, a power-mad HHH Champ is just as fun, especially if Shane is back past Mania. I’d love to see them feud over who really deserves to run WWE.