GFL – Page 0023

Grouping For Looks is a page-by-page retelling of the Looking For Group saga through the lens of a mirror universe where Cale is a goateed tyrant and Richard is a holy soul trying to set him on a good path.

EXT. FOREST – DAY

A massive, boulder-headed* troll storms towards the group, mace in hand. 

*like, the size and shape of a boulder, but not actually a rock with eyes for a head like some kind of stony Destro. Metaphors can be tricky in fantasy when stuff like “he watched over the kingdom with a giant eye in the sky” literally happens. 

TIM
Stay where you are, you pestilent roaches. 

Richard raises his hands. 

RICHARD
We’re not moving.

At the sound of shuffling leaves, Richard peaks over his shoulder. His group has vanished. 

RICHARD
Well, I’m not moving. 

Richard turns back towards the troll only to be smashed across the face with Tim’s tree trunk of a mace**.

**Again, metaphorically. Could Tim wield a tree trunk as a mace? Yes. Does Tim wield a tree trunk as a mace? No. He wields a mace as a mace. 

Richard tumbles end over inverted end, slowing to a stop by a scowling Krunch. 

KRUNCH
You are pathetic. 

RICHARD
That’s just how I roll. 

The twisted redeemer*** grabs onto something solid and wrenches his hips back into place. That something solid? Cale’s feet. The goateed evil elf kneels down on Richard’s arm, pinning him down. 

***”Seriously,” you’re thinking. “Another asterisk joke?” So, yes, Richard was literally contorted by the blow and only survived because of his undead physiology. But that could have gone without saying since “end over inverted end” gave you the context that I was being literal. No, this asterisk is just to point out how intriguing “the twisted redeemer” is as a title. I might need to make a lawful evil cleric whose healing comes at a price. 

CALE
Relax, dim wit. They’re obviously a viribucracy. I’ll best their champion in single combat and the rest will bow to me as their new leader. 

Cale emerges from the trees and points a sword Tim’s way.

CALE
I challenge you to a duel, to the death, for leadership of your tri-

A raily troll with a fu manchu tackles Cale. Warrior after warrior piles on, stripping Cale of his armour and weapons. 

TIM
Sorry, I couldn’t hear you over my legion of warriors who had no reason to wait for you to finish that sentence. 

CALE
They’re licking me!

RICHARD
I think he means “killing”. 

KRUNCH
No, he doesn’t.

GFL Archives

Original: LFG Page 23

First Grouping For Looks: GFL 001

Previous Grouping For Looks: GFL 022